Monday, June 20, 2011

Her face looks south towards Meca

    Ive never really been to a funeral, not a real funeral at least. But what I have gathered from television, movies, and books is that there are really only two types of deaths: the sudden unexplainable ones and the ones that you know are coming.  The death that I had a run in with was the sudden, heart wrenching kind. Not to say that some deaths aren't heart breaking but, some are more so than others.
    I was certainly not expecting to find death on the 4th of June but I did all the same.  I was expecting to find my blue Aero sweatshirt with the broken zipper in the dryer for the SAT's that I was going to take in a few short hours. But I wasn't expecting to find death huddled up in the corner of my laundry room.  I had known that she was sick, she had lost a little weight but she was getting better. She gained the weight back and even a bit more. She was healthy, happy, alive.
    I broke down. I couldn't proses what I was seeing because there was simply no way that she could be dead. But she was and I didn't want to believe it.
    To make matters worse I had to head out and take the tiring SAT's.  Now on the way there I tryed to convince myself that this would be ok, it would be a distraction, anything to keep me from thinking about Deliciae meae minime.  But life really is not that kind to me.
   I was blessed to be in a communications room.  A room filled with Romeo and Juliet posters.  If one has yet to realize who I have been talking about... well then you probably weren't there during my lunch break down. My little darling bunny Juliette had died. And of course the world was against me by turning my one chance at a distraction into a relentless reminder of her death.
     That Sunday was the day of her funeral.  The only funeral I had ever technically attended.  I chose the most beautiful place I could in my suburbia backyard and began to dig.  I finally was able to appreciate Harry when he had to dig Dobby's grave.  Now I know just how difficult it really is.  It isn't the manual labor or the sun beating down on you. It's the feeling of how you are the one to "seal" their death.  A funeral makes it all the more official.  Closure in its most mundane and raw form.  It truly is the most heart breaking experience that I will ever endure and I don't wish to go through it ever again though I realize that it is an inevitable part of life.
    Death is sneaky, it creeps up on you in the dark of night and steals away the ones you cherish most.  This pulled everything into perspective for me.  I think that I now realize that every moment I live could easily be my last, and I can only wish that when my time comes, it doesn't break the hearts of my loved ones. No one should ever feel that pain.
   But all the same, the funeral was all I could give to her, my last chance to show just how much I loved her. To show her that she was a part of something so much bigger than she ever realized.  Well at least to me she was.  She was so much more than a pet or a family member. She was my everything.  She was the one that I could  tell anything because she couldn't judge, she wouldn't.  Yes she was a bunny but all the same, doesn't everyone have an odd relationship with their animals? A relationship that is impossible to describe to the outside world.  I told Juliette secrets that I've never told anyone else.  Things that would cause my friends to worry about my sanity, and things that I would be to afraid to admit to anyone else.  I told her my secrets because I knew she would take them to her grave.  I just didn't know how soon that would be.

So la verita della vita is that it is short, and we have to cherish every moment. Because it just might be our last. Rest in peace my darling Juliette, Julietta, Julie, Jewles, I will love you forever.
Is it pathetic that I am crying right now? 

1 comment:

  1. NO IT'S NOT.
    Kaitlyn, the grave is beautiful, and she is in rabbit heaven knowing that you were the best human that she could ever have had.